June 23

It’s been a while.  I really don’t want to be the type of person that starts a blog and writes faithfully for about 3 months then all of a sudden life happens.  But, that is precisely the type of person I am.  I need prodding.  Or maybe I just need more hours in the day. 

What usually happens when I stray off is God and I have a ‘come to Jesus’ meeting.  I put myself through so much self-condemnation that if I do one little thing that I ‘feel’ is wrong, or that will hinder my relationship with Jesus – I spiral downward.  It’s all a ploy of the enemy we face – to attack us using our own thoughts against us and moreover, using ‘religion’ itself to make us want to beat ourselves with a stick.

See, the problem isn’t that I wasn’t writing – I just had nothing to say.  But, having nothing to say – no words of encouragement, no witty observations and no divine revelations – is what made me feel as though I was a 1000 miles away from God.  Then that starts another dilemma…wondering why.

I was raised Church of God.  My grandfather was a preacher/teacher and my grandmother played the piano/organ.  I’m not sure if you know this but all COG preachers wives must play the piano – it’s in the rules.  (Totally kidding but I do think there’s an unspoken rule book – it details the height of the womens hair, really great dress patterns and how to host a church dinner using buckets of chicken and that horrible pea casserole that no one ever eats!)

Anyway, being raised in the way that I was made me extremely fearful.  How could I ever earn God’s love?  Was I really able to be forgiven?  ANd most importanly, what if I sinned again after I was forgiven?? 

Now, my Grandparents, and parents were only doing what they thought was right – scaring little children, talking about hell and basically letting us know that there was lots of work to do.  I mean, you want to go to heaven, right?

I say all that to say this:  we beat ourselves up way to much.  Yes, we suck.  We are born sinners and have horrible fleshy desires.  But that doesn’t mean that salvation, or extra measures of Grace are not available for us.  You may be beating yourself up as I’ve done but I’m here to tell you now, that is NOT of God. 

If you miss reading the bible for a day or two, if you don’t get your soaking time, even if you miss church, it’s okay.  God will freshen the desires of your heart if you find yourself getting a little off track – and, He will make you into the person He has created you to be!!  Some people don’t necessarily learn by reading anything, much less the bible.  Some people also don’t have the hours in the day that allow them to soak up Jesus. 

It’s not like these things aren’t important – they are.  Growing in Him and saturating yourself with His presence is always a great thing – He helps us sail through hardships and gives us ever increasing joy no matter what!  Just don’t freak out and best yourself up if you do something or find yourself feeling disobedient…just get back on track knowing that God loves you.  He always will. And, NOTHING can separate you from that love. 

Read Romans 3.